You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
