So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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