So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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