I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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