help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
