yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
