i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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