so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
