i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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