youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
