He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
