I'm lost and stupid without you.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Me too!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
