Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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