Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
