Kiss
Puke
I've blown a few things in my day
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
