I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
