I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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