i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
