Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
