According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
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I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
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I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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