My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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