Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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