Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
