her vagine was all disorganized.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
