he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
