i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
