she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
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You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."