I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober