shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.