How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
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Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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