Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
