where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I can't put those talents on a resume
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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