tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
