During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
