very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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