My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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