just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Couch. On fire.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
