Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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