he thought i was a dude.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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