dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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