i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
