It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
