I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
