Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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