My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH