he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.