you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend