Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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