I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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