I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
