Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
