We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How does it feel to date your dad?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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