It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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