You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're making bets on your personal life
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize