dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
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I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
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btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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