I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dicks are not precious.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
