shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
