is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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