whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
