I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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