We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
