i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
