As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
