You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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