okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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