TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
