sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
